a small nameless something

yesterday a snow storm came and i watched the snow fall fast and heavy outside the window. i remembered doing the same thing a couple of winters ago, letting my mind wonder in the the depth of me and writing about it on my livejournal. i guess the snow fall the same way every year, wherever you are.

i've been working really hard on my work as to avoid weeping. it's getting harder and harder, as others finish up for the semester and the city is decorated with holiday lights. the talks of family vacations and presents and parties. i can go through a day easily without having a single thread of conversation with anybody, and that simple realization makes me invisible. intangible. nonexistent. a figment of my(?) own imagination. the nights are colder and i lose concentration because of shivering.

i miss the human touch. i wish someone would touch my skin. hold me for a little while. just enough for me to cry my heart out. i'm scared and i'm lonely. i hate this place. it has brought me nothing but pain. forget this ice and snow and all of these pretentious people who don't know how to let their souls loose. there is absolutely nothing left for me to hold on here. i tried everything from yoga to therapies to music to reading to drinking to eating, but they only give me temporary peace. it is as if the weight of the world has landed on my head.