the honest vow and happy when i grow up

tonight is my night off - well, from the hectic week of trying to reanalyze and rewrite my thesis for the manuscript that i'm trying to publish, so naturally i indulged in my netflix movie, cheap take out, and a couple of brewskies. now i'm sipping on my grown-up's drink and having a conversation on a blog, because the film i watched made me think, and obviously, i have no one to talk to, so here i am. in the virtual reality of nameless ears (well... eyes to be exact).

the film was called "ira and abby" and it was a very smart, modern satire of marriage, or the misguided ideals of marriage. it was done poignantly but hilariously, and i loved it. the best part was that i could see so much of myself and my insecurities in the protagonist, and it felt good to see myself from outside. he is this charming dude, well brought up with plenty of money by manhattan psychologists, but clearly neurotic, obsessive compulsive, unhappy and extremely jealous (mostly because of the way he was raised, it seemed). now, i'm not that bad, but still, watching him talk about himself in therapy (mind you, he himself is a psych phd student...) and not being able to articulate what's bothering him was just priceless. anyway, this all-loving, sweet, generous, happy, care-free girl literally walks into his life and turns it upseide down and they get married on like a second date. and from there on, they battle with the ideals of marriage set forth by their parents (who have their troubles on their own but don't surface until later), and the societty's naive faith that marriage is this magical thing that somehow we are supposed to be able to keep. after few thousand dollars of therapy sessions and a couple of divorces and weddings, the protagonist and his wife decide to get divorced for the last time and be happy together without this label of "marriage." the dude's last vow was simple and wonderful, and most importantly, honest - "i promise to love you and only you for as long as it remains true."

i guess the take home message, at least for me, is that glory of marriage is not necessarily love, and that marriage puts this extra pressure of having have to work things out or bring this notion of everying having to be perfect or something like that, and it just makes people insecure in their very relationship, taking all the fun out of it. at the same time, this couple was able to remain "together" in a sense that they were able to continue loving each other even though they went for it faster than a lesbian light speed. i guess trusting one's instinct may just be the answer. easier said than done, perhaps, but i like that. i just hate to settle for anything less than that sense of "this is it" just because everything else "seem" right. i want to feel it in the gut and i want serendipity to be perched on my shoulder at all times, and for my partner to feel its presence with me. i know it can happen. i have been there once.

i once knew someone older, whose goal as a young person was to be happy when he grew up. nothing more, nothing less. you know, i admire that. i want to be happy when i grow up. it was that kinda movie. i recommend it.